Stand for something.

I cried today.


It wasn't in the public of my own self, it was in between my mother and brother and amongst a church congregation. It hurt, because as the preacher preached of the fresh start that 2011 had the potential to bring all I could think about was the pain that still lingered from 2010.


Truth is my previous relationship hurt me more than I realized, and time has suddenly brought out some hurt that I didn't even know existed. Worst part is, all the hurt that was caused was basically stuff that I caused myself for not standing for anything. Last year, I had a teacher that required our class to read the book What Do You Stand For? by Jim Lichtman, this book had a series of stories that explained why each individual stood for specific principles. Had I taken everything that I should have from the book I would have remembered that what I stand for is more important than a whole lot of other things. Instead, I let the concept of love interrupt my true beliefs.


What do you stand for?


Do you stand for....
...is it respect, traditions, value, potential, reality, understanding, love---it could be anything. During the course of my relationship I didn't stand for anything, and I fell for every single thing. SO in the future I am taking with me every single value. Starting tonight I am going to write down my values so that I am guaranteed not to lose them because of someone else. It's a shame when our personality gets watered down for the sake of another person and we lose the true identity that we hold.


Ladies, remember what you stand for, because thru the obstacles, the drama, and all the hate they will face sometime in our lives we are going to lose ourselves, which is the most beautiful thing that we have.


The values and morals that you uphold make you a beautiful individual, don't lose that.



Maybe one day: ♥

Good vs. Bad

If light represents innocence and darkness is the opposite, then toss me a black dress, a pair of pumps, dye my hair black, and throw me overboard.


I am sure that as we all leave 2010 and enter 2011 we can take something new with us, whether it be a new love, a changed mindset, or a resolution for improvement. For me, I'm taking every single lesson that I've learned, and BOY did I learn alot. I've talked about the lessons that I've learned in the latter part of the year, but it was the experiences from the beginning of the year that led to most of these lessons. But the lessons aren't really the center of my focus, it's the effect of those lessons. My theme song for the past few years has been Rihanna 'Good Girl Gone Bad' because over time my innocence has faded leaving the person I am today. Sure, everyone loses that childhood innocence that we are all born with, but everyone doesn't turn bad.


I am a good girl gone bad. I've tried to run from the reality of it all, but through the pains of love, the hearts I've broken, and the feelings that exist today there is nothing else that I can say but once a good girl goes bad, she's gone forever. So what's my definition of the 'bad' that I have reached?


Bad (adj.) a state of mind and reality that exists once nothing can change


The definition is vague, but that's because it's up for individual interpretation. My state of mind has taught me that only I can define my future, it's not up to anyone in my life or anything that happens to me. And the 'good' me let everything else have an influence on my life--especially the idea of love. Truth is, I wasn't ready for love, and I'm still not. This 'bad' me isn't a phase, it's my reality and through this reality I can discover myself and then I can be ready for love and everything else that the world is willing to throw at me.


SO take 2011 and be ready for it, because it's a new decade and won't be anything like the past. Be willing to cross paths and trade sides with what we call 'good' and what we see as 'bad' and create your own definition for each word and then let that define who you want to be in this upcoming year. I've already made my decision.



Maybe, one day: ♥


Happy New Year =)

The Damsel in Distress

"Aren't you... a damsel in distress?" -Hercules

"I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day." -Meg

We often get caught up. Not in just a moment, but in the life we live. We forget that we are bigger than minor incidents or even major occurences, and we let an experience consume us. Instead of working through the situation, we let someone else step in and become our hero. Sadly, they become a hero for more than a moment, and we end up relying on them for everything. In essence, we become a damsel in distress.


Damsel in Distress (n.) the beautiful female depicted in classic and modern literature that finds themself in a situation (trapped by a monster, villian, or lifestyle) and is rescued by a hero.


Literature and females in Disney movies have allowed us to think that being saved from a situation creates a bond that leads to a "movie perfect" love. And that is how it appears. Through the escape of the most physiscal and emotionally draining situations an unmatched sense of love is created that makes a pair seem unbreakable. This all makes sense from the inside, but from the outside looking in the story changes.


A damsel in distress is created internally by a trying situation, such as death, family or social problems, or anything that affects our outward behavior. During these times we normally reach out--whether it be a family member, a friend, or even a guy. When we reach out to a guy that has not already been in our life, they provide a new, rewarding solution to a problem we have no answers for. This is when the damsel is created, if a girl cannot differentiate between someone who was convieniently there for her or someone who she would still like during another time then a false sense of security is created and the girl falls in love with the hero who saved her from a moment.


THIS is not always a problem, sometimes the guy who should've been there all along was finally there just in time to wipe that first tear drop. Other times the girl gets caught up in what she thinks she needs because the recent events have clouded her judgement so much.


So before rushing into love because a guy is always there for you or because he just swept in during the perfect moment, remember what is going on with your life at that moment. If something major just happened, maybe what you think is attraction is just a good shoulder to cry on at the perfect time.



Maybe, one day: ♥

Letting Go

Everyone has a deeper story than what meets the eye….and that untold story is what defines them.


Today, Tuesday, December 21, 2010 beginning at 2:40 am there will be a lunar eclipse. My best friend’s mom has a friend that believes because this is such a rare occurrence that this is a time to let go. She instructed us to write down a list of things that we want to let go of, and as the lunar eclipse begins us burning the list will symbolize us finally letting go. For me, this means more than meets the eye because I definitely have some resentment sitting deep in my heart that I am definitely ready to get rid of so that I can grow and become more positive about love and my future. I won’t write down my list, because typing it on my blog will symbolize that I am saving the list for another day…. So the only copy of this list resides on a large index card that will be burned at approximately 2:40 EST. Writing this list almost brought tears to my eyes because it made me realize that I am really holding back a lot. It’s a shame that it took a pen and paper for me to recognize that the only thing that is holding myself back is myself.


Take a moment to realize what is really holding you back. Don’t erase the past because it defines you, but let go of the negativity and the things that prevent you from reaching your true potential. At the end of the day, we are here to be the best we can be, please don’t forget that. I won’t take the time to right down basic fears or things that you need to let go, because this is the one moment where each person can really find out what’s inside of them…. And we all owe ourselves that much.


Please love every second of the life that you live and let go of anything that is preventing you from doing that.



So, I’m gonna switch it up and say,
Maybe today: ♥

The Nice Guy Syndrome

We are all told that actions speak louder than words, but is that truly always the case?


Picture this: two people are in a relationship because they love each other and because they want to be together, from the outside we see the action of them spending time together and loving one another. But when we ask the girl why she is with her loved one, her response is… “Because he is a nice guy.” So what speaks louder the action of their relationship or the words behind the reason they are together?


Several times in my life I have found myself caught up into what I call the nice guy syndrome, instead of actually having legitimate reasons for being in a relationship, my rationalization turns into the fact that he is a nice guy. So when it comes to relationships remember that in a healthy relationship, you should always be able to voice why you are in that relationship. It seems simple and may just seem like a few words, but being able to state what makes your relationship unstoppable proves that there is a reason you two are together. Once the relationship does reach nice guy status then maybe that’s not really where you want to be, and you are just using his kindness as a reason to stay with him.


Functional relationships have a purpose, not just justifications.



Maybe, one day: ♥

What defines your love?

I hope you missed me a little while I was gone. The thing about a blog is that noone and everyone can be reading them and I would never know. But that's okay because I don't mind talking to myself.


I can't say exactly what started some of the realizations I have had over the past few months but I have definitely learned a lot about myself recently. That's what college is about, right? Finding yourself, discovering who you are and what you want to make of yourself... Well I am at least three steps closer to finding a little more out about me. Recently, I just broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for 6 months, and it was the happiest, most miserable 6 months of my life. What I thought was love and what I could want for the rest of my life was really just me loving that someone loved me. But I lost way too much of myself in that relationship. Of course we had fun together but that was all I knew--me and him. I spent most of my free time with him and missed out on valuable college experiences at the risk of my own happiness. At first I thought that I learned to love in this relationship, but I'm a loveable person. And after weeks of reflections and eventful nights, I realized that I learned the true value of respect. I'm not gonna say that he ever disrespected me intentionally, but if anything should ever be respected in a relationship its morals and values. We all live in a world full of different individuals with different religions, traditions, and understandings. My parents have placed me in different environments where you are forced to respect the differences among people, and for that I am grateful. I don't have snide remarks when someone tells me something that resides deep in their heart, nor would I ever think that no meant anything but no.


We all hear that love blinds us. And I admit to being blinded. I cut myself completely off from the world for something that wasn't worth my world. I took the niceness and the love I received and thought that was all I needed, but true love has an unmatchable level of understanding. So my future love interests need to have similar values to the ones I have, or at least be respectful of those that are different. A relationship shouldn't change you and you should never be afraid to speak your mind. Keeping a part of you tucked away for the sake of a "loved" one isn't love, and it may hurt to say goodbye, but at the end of the day I have too much respect for myself to think that he was my only chance at love.


So maybe one day I will find a guy who really respects and understands EVERYTHING about me. Maybe one day I will fall in love for all the right reasons, but I don't mind kissing a few more frogs til that day.



Maybe, one day: ♥

The Perfect Couple

Look at me learning in school =). Once a week I have a seminar class called Finding Your Fit in a Flat World, and just when you thought the world was a sphere I am learning otherwise. The concept of a flat world is a theory developed by Thomas L. Friedman, which explores the technology of the world and how it has evolved in a way that brings individuals closer or flattens the world. I completely recommend the book for anyone who is truly trying to increase general understanding, broaden their horizons, and explore multiple reasons for success. Back to my class though, every week for the class we are instructed to find articles on selected topics. This week’s topic was organizational structure and design. My goal for article I was searching for was just to find an article with a few success stories based on unique organizational design. Would you believe I managed to find something that explained success stories of amazing groups? So my mission was definitely accomplished, but I couldn’t help but notice how the ideas could be applied to groups, but also relationships.


The article was entitled The Group Needs Model and was written in a 2009 edition of OD Practitioner by Geoffrey Bellman and Kathleen Ryan. Their goal was to identify what made amazing groups so special. They came to the conclusion that “amazing” groups were amazing because of the transformations they had on its members. The model identifies six human needs within three categories that make groups truly transforming. The three categories are self, group, and world and the human needs are paired within. So I modified these categories and needs into a relationship and love model.


The Relationship-Love Model:

Self: Acceptance of self while developing one’s potential.
Group: A bond with others that grows while pursuing a common purpose.
World: Understanding the reality of the world while making an impact.**

*The bold terms are the categories and the underlined terms are the human needs
**This was taken directly from the article

Before applying the categories to your life, you have to adjust your mentality. The ideal idea of love is a strong relationship between two people that strengthens and transforms their lives through individual experiences and emotions as a whole.

The two needs of the self category are acceptance and potential. For acceptance an individual must accept themselves for who they are and potential is understanding and growing into a better self. The acceptance area is a example of love that we see all the time—like if you can’t love yourself then how can you expect someone else to love you? This idea reflects concepts of self-esteem and approval of the individual before their piers. Potential involves seeing yourself as more and better than your current state, this need explains how necessary believing in your self is needed for improvement. Relative to love, if you don’t want to become a better you alone, than how can you expect to become a better individual with someone else so close to you?

The two needs of the group category are bond and purpose. A bond is the connection between people that provides a shared sense of identity and creates belonging and a purpose is the reason the group was brought together. With these two ideas and their relation to a couple are clear, the couple is the group and the stronger and more connected their bond is the more potential the relationship has. When it comes to purpose, the purpose of a couple should be more than being happy or making things work, two people should be together to have a positive influence on their own lives and their partners lives. Take the purpose a step further than just being a happy couple, and truly make this “group” be a part of who you are.

World—is the most important topic in the end to me, because it connects just two people to the rest of reality. Within the world category are impact and reality. The world defines anything beyond the couple and can be the entire world, or a small actualization of that—your family. Family is the world around a couple, because approval and acceptance helps create a stronger relationship. The reality of a relationship is a whole lot of things can go wrong, and a whole lot of things will go wrong before they go right. So in a relationship you must keep reality in mind, because being too optimistic can have equally detrimental results. Impact has to do with the influence that you two have on the world, and as long as it is positive you are working your way to a happy relationship—or at least a happy start.

Now no this isn’t a fail proof answer to relationships, but it helps put a worldwide understanding on something we wish was a lot simpler.



Maybe, one day: ♥