Look at me learning in school =). Once a week I have a seminar class called Finding Your Fit in a Flat World, and just when you thought the world was a sphere I am learning otherwise. The concept of a flat world is a theory developed by Thomas L. Friedman, which explores the technology of the world and how it has evolved in a way that brings individuals closer or flattens the world. I completely recommend the book for anyone who is truly trying to increase general understanding, broaden their horizons, and explore multiple reasons for success. Back to my class though, every week for the class we are instructed to find articles on selected topics. This week’s topic was organizational structure and design. My goal for article I was searching for was just to find an article with a few success stories based on unique organizational design. Would you believe I managed to find something that explained success stories of amazing groups? So my mission was definitely accomplished, but I couldn’t help but notice how the ideas could be applied to groups, but also relationships.
The article was entitled The Group Needs Model and was written in a 2009 edition of OD Practitioner by Geoffrey Bellman and Kathleen Ryan. Their goal was to identify what made amazing groups so special. They came to the conclusion that “amazing” groups were amazing because of the transformations they had on its members. The model identifies six human needs within three categories that make groups truly transforming. The three categories are self, group, and world and the human needs are paired within. So I modified these categories and needs into a relationship and love model.
The Relationship-Love Model:
Self: Acceptance of self while developing one’s potential.
Group: A bond with others that grows while pursuing a common purpose.
World: Understanding the reality of the world while making an impact.**
*The bold terms are the categories and the underlined terms are the human needs
**This was taken directly from the article
Before applying the categories to your life, you have to adjust your mentality. The ideal idea of love is a strong relationship between two people that strengthens and transforms their lives through individual experiences and emotions as a whole.
The two needs of the self category are acceptance and potential. For acceptance an individual must accept themselves for who they are and potential is understanding and growing into a better self. The acceptance area is a example of love that we see all the time—like if you can’t love yourself then how can you expect someone else to love you? This idea reflects concepts of self-esteem and approval of the individual before their piers. Potential involves seeing yourself as more and better than your current state, this need explains how necessary believing in your self is needed for improvement. Relative to love, if you don’t want to become a better you alone, than how can you expect to become a better individual with someone else so close to you?
The two needs of the group category are bond and purpose. A bond is the connection between people that provides a shared sense of identity and creates belonging and a purpose is the reason the group was brought together. With these two ideas and their relation to a couple are clear, the couple is the group and the stronger and more connected their bond is the more potential the relationship has. When it comes to purpose, the purpose of a couple should be more than being happy or making things work, two people should be together to have a positive influence on their own lives and their partners lives. Take the purpose a step further than just being a happy couple, and truly make this “group” be a part of who you are.
World—is the most important topic in the end to me, because it connects just two people to the rest of reality. Within the world category are impact and reality. The world defines anything beyond the couple and can be the entire world, or a small actualization of that—your family. Family is the world around a couple, because approval and acceptance helps create a stronger relationship. The reality of a relationship is a whole lot of things can go wrong, and a whole lot of things will go wrong before they go right. So in a relationship you must keep reality in mind, because being too optimistic can have equally detrimental results. Impact has to do with the influence that you two have on the world, and as long as it is positive you are working your way to a happy relationship—or at least a happy start.
Now no this isn’t a fail proof answer to relationships, but it helps put a worldwide understanding on something we wish was a lot simpler.
Maybe, one day: ♥
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