Thursday afternoon the love of my life was ripped away from me.
This was as real as love could get.
It was a love that kept my heart racing and had me running in circles.
My heart was broken into pieces and it took me days to stop crying. Tears still begin to fall when someone asks me about him.
He was my motivation and inspiration, he pushed me to become better—the best me I could be.
He showed me what love was and gave me a true definition of passion.
So what’s harder…breaking up or moving on? The news crushed me. Of course this was not my decision or idea, everyone goes through rough patches and difficulties so why did my slight mishap have our relationship spiral so quickly to the end? I question every single thing that led to our breakup. Every single thing, and I knew I could work harder and build thingsback up to the way it used to be. But I guess that wouldn’t be enough…and if it was I will never know. So now I’m in the moving on process—the building up stage—even though I’ve been so broken down. I’m trying to bend every single thing that has led up to this moment and past it and turn it into a positive. I’m taking the moments, happiness, and all of our time together and making them experiences, because I refuse to have regrets. But I still don’t know what’s harder: breaking up or moving on?
We all know the phrase that breaking up is hard to do, no one is really ever ready to say good-bye (even Chris Brown knew that). Breaking up is hard because giving up hope takes energy, strength, and certainty, which is very difficult to have at the same time. When it’s in your hands it keeps things in your control, but if your like me you may not have a choice. It’s a decision that is forced on you and your stuck living with it, but that’s not what makes breaking up hard. Breaking up is hard because your everything is now nothing. The other half of your heart now has no beat and until someone/something fills that void a piece of your heart will remain empty. Breaking up is hard because no one likes to be alone, even misery likes company.
Moving on takes time, patience, and willingness. It takes a new type of acceptance that we can all hopefully take with us to the next relationship or the next time we share a close love and strong bond with something. Moving on takes understanding, and depending on the breakup that understanding may be extremely difficult to find. I’m still lost, still searching for just a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. I know once I find that light that I can find life—my life. Every moment is a learning experience, but only if your willing and ready to learn. Along with time it takes patience, because rushing this process could just lead to more heartbreak—maybe for you or maybe even for someone else.
The only problem is you can’t do one without the other. Breaking up and moving on are coupled reactions that exist because of eachother. So we broke up and now I have no choice but to move on, but I’m strong and beautiful and everyday gets a little bit easier.
Who knew track & field held such a strong place in my heart.
Maybe, one day: ♥
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