Love.

So it’s been exactly one week and I haven’t said a thing. Not because love isn’t still all around me or because I’m ready to stop writing so soon. But because it’s been a long week. A really long week. I would go into details, but that’s probably a whole another day. But when things don’t go my way, I tend to shut people out. Everyone. My friends, my family, and even my boyfriend. I would rather be alone and sort out my thoughts and clear my head, then be distracted with the questions and the advice that I am definitely not ready to hear yet. And so of course, this long week led to me shutting a few people out. I haven’t seen my best friend for more than a few seconds, the time I’ve spent with my boyfriend hasn’t been very quality, and I haven’t talked to my parents since Sunday. Yeah, I’m messing up. And let me tell you, me not talking to them has probably made this week a lot harder than it even had to be. So my lesson of the week (just to make up for all the silence) is to always remember that everyone who loves you….loves you because of who you are. Even when that you is sad, not in the mood, upset, confused, angry, depressed—anything. Part of the reason that they love you is so that when you aren’t feeling quite yourself they will always be there. If they aren’t there, then how real is that love? So next time you ignore that text message or silence that call, please remember that they are calling/texting because they care. And you know you would be doing the same thing for them.


I’m probably a little late on learning this lesson, because I know you all already know that. But I still have to remind you. To love is to be loved.



Maybe, one day: ♥

The Origins of Love

PRETTY RANDOM, but I am working on an assignment in class for humanities, which is really just the artistic side of the same history we have been learning. For this assignment, I am the leader of a group who is in charge of the Middle Ages, oddly enough the Middle Ages and the 12th century happen to be the origin of chivalry and courtly love. In other words, I am doing a research project on the origins of romanticized love—yes this is the perfect assignment for me.


Courtly love originated back in the 12th century in Southern France and is defined by the idea of a woman and one’s admiration towards her becoming superior to the idea of a man. To think, men thinking of a woman superior to them. The ironic thing about courtly love is that it didn’t exist among husband and wife, but someone a male admired from afar. There are steps described towards the process of courtly love aka “wooing” a female and rules to love were also identified. It’s actually interesting because while everyone is so busy saying that chivalry is dead, if they actually understood all that chivalry entailed they would think otherwise. Along with a code of chivalry, which relates more to knighthood than love, here are the most interesting Rules of Love as written by Andreas Capellanus:

He who is not jealous cannot love. And just when I thought jealousy was a bad thing, in the 12th century a little jealousy seemed to be good for the romance. Even today minimal jealousy can be slightly attractive when done properly, and may even be necessary for actual love. I may have to look further into that concept.

Noone can be bound by a double love. So if you haven’t heard it yet, they’ve known for 10 centuries that loving two people is NOT the way to go.

It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing. Hmmmmmm. Now this is a concept that we all know, but it is kinda nice to know that it is true for everyone. This idea rationalizes the fact that people fall in and out of love all of the time

Boys do not love til they reach the age of maturity. HAHAHAA! Now it is nice to see this on paper and it is also very important to take note of that. They say history repeats itself and to learn from the past, so here is a rule of love that I am sure we can ALL apply to our life.

No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons. Awwww. Now this one is absolutely precious, it makes one really want to find love, because I am sure that no one can come up with a good reason not to love.

No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love. This one is definitely important advice too and it makes sense. Love doesn’t just happen, it’s an abstract idea that a person has to believe in, and without believing actual love won’t exist.

When made public love rarely endures. More good advice, reading information like this makes me want to look a little deeper into the history and lives of the people that we learn about. Too bad all history isn’t stuff that can be directly applied to our lives. This idea goes along with an idea I’ve introduced before about following your heart and not being influenced by others, because the public has a stronger influence than most of us would like to admit.

The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized. This concept explains why playing hard to get is just so entertaining, everyone likes working for a prize. This is the epitome of the chase versus the catch concept, the adventure/difficulty is in the chase, and once the prize has been caught the adventure, difficulty, and value also seems to leave. But we know that love without victory can also lead to an extreme heartbreak, so don’t let that chase last too long ladies.

A new love puts an old one to flight. WELL!! History has finally proved it, the best way to get over an ex is to find new love. Just don’t let that new love be mistaken for a lovely rebound.

Good character alone makes any man worthy of love. This rule puts the hope that we once had for every guy back into the hands of the guy. Good character is all a man needs to truly love, so instead of judging everything else (even though judgment has never been our jobs) take a second look at his character to determine where the next step is.

A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved. So that I don’t get too carried away this is the final rule that truly caught my attention. This rule correlates with every R&B song we know where one person can not get their mind of their lover. A true lover really can’t get their mind off of you & please remember that.

It’s sweet and refreshing to know that love has truly stood the test of time. Things that can remain strong through centuries are truly powerful and there is no reason that an idea as strong as love should ever fade. Boys and girls are merely a vessel that carries something that can only been felt and not seen, hopefully we will continue to keep the package of love safe so that it can remain strong.

For more information on chivalry, courtly love, or just love in general don’t be afraid to Google your curiosities and discover what the world has in store for you.



Maybe, one day: ♥

Boys, Boys, Boys

I deal with love issues as they come to me, as they toy with my life or as they interrupt my friends. If I said that my mind is empty of love that would suggest that none of my friends or myself have had any love problems, and that would be a lie. One of my best friends would be the perfect description of Albert Brenneman if I was Alex Hitchens…when it comes to love advice I’m the one with all the answers. The other day she hit me up with a sometimes difficult realization—she was lonely. But she was the exact opposite of that, she had had guys all over her; they just weren’t her ideal guy. So she listed the guys she had dying for her affection and between the guys I know, the guys she knows, and the guys we all know it seems like every guy we don’t want has at least one good attribute about them. So maybe as females we are being a little to judgmental about the guys that approach us, so this is the preliminary stages of “The List,” which is a list of every guy that exists: the good, the bad, and the ugly.


He’s like a brother to me Guy: Now I can guarantee that we ALL have one of these. No, he isn’t the cutest guy in the crowd, or the smartest, he doesn’t have the most swag or charm. Honestly, he doesn’t have the most or best of anything, but he is always there for us. He is the guy we text when we’re bored, the one we call when we’re sad, the one with the best conversation, and the most insightful advice for the most needed times. So he has all the emotional parts of our lives covered (and for a female that is pretty important), but when it comes to actually dating him he falls short. So what’s my opinion? Your being too judgmental. Sure you don’t want to ruin your friendship, or you don’t see him like that but maybe it’s time that YOU adjust your eyes because he sees you for everything you are, so maybe it’s time we give him a chance.


Mr. Sexy & Full of Swag Guy: When everyone sees this guy they stop and stare and admire his looks, his swag, and his confidence, did you hear me say everyone? Ladies it is about time we move away from this guy, and not the you tell yourself to move on but your still intrigued, I mean completely move on. Not that a guy like this won’t one day make a great whatever, but right now he isn’t ready for you and you definitely aren’t ready for him. Besides looks and flirty texts he probably doesn’t have much to offer, even if the conversation is good every now and then it is nothing that will get you past the worst in any relationship. So keep him as a friend, a flirty text buddy, and anything but your one and only.


Study Buddy Guy: Now the looks of this guy can vary, he could be kind of cute, extremely cute, completely nerdy, or exactly what you want when you look at him the right way. The problem with this guy is that we are probably so into that one math problem or balancing that chemistry equation that you don’t actually get to take a look at the chemistry you all are making together in the room. With this guy, when you get off topic from school work the conversations are good, you guys actually do work when your together, and you guys have a little fun together too. So what’s my opinion? Keep studying & reach for the stars, if something happens it does, and if not you have a good study buddy. Just don’t forget that he’s out there.


He wants me, and I’m not interested Guy: I’m pretty sure we ALL have one of these. Somehow he ended up with your number, somehow he’s always texting you and asking for more attention than you’re willing to give, and SOMEHOW he thinks you guys have a chance. Well, keep being friendly and every now and then remind him that you guys won’t be anything more than friends…EVER!


The Athletic Guy: So he plays for the basketball team or the football team and he looks good. Period. Point blank. But unless these guys are older, meaning NO youngbulls, just stay friends because he isn’t ready to be tied down. Not yet anyway. Let your friendship strengthen and learn a little about his sport and what he does, but nothing more.


Everyone Thinks We’re Dating Guy: This is always fun, whether you guys are actually dating and keeping it on the low or whether you guys are just close friends that get along almost too well just embrace everyone’s attention. Don’t let anything anyone says get to you, because you and your “guy” are the only ones who need to know the truth. It’s ok to play up or play down your relationship, just because people are nosy and they want to see a show. Let the world be your stage, and give your audience a great show =).


The Clingy Guy: This is another guy I am sure we all have had at one time. He starts off great, giving you just the right amount of attention to have you crave a little more, he asks all the right questions, and fits your list of looks, goals, and attitude great. Until, a few weeks into the getting to know you phase and he is claiming you, getting angry about not returning phone calls or texts, and acting worst than a husband with a small dick. Everything you do seem to be a problem, yet it makes him want you more and more. He calls and texts too much, and craves attention from you and only you. Everything about this guy is a problem, and the biggest problem is getting rid of him. You have to let guys like this off the hook gently, because they tend to be sensitive and easily victimized. There are signs for guys like this early on; the catch is noticing the signs before they realize how much they want you.


Guys are funny, yet they always say girls are the ones with the problems. Like I said, this was just a preliminary list, because there are SO many more types of guys out there. Keep your eyes open and realize that the guy you have your eye on may not be the guy for you for a lot more reasons than one.




Maybe, one day: ♥

Mom Knows Best

Ladies, ladies, ladies, after a rather LONG weekend I woke up this morning and realized the best friends we have in the world have been with us since the very beginning: our moms. Whether you are close to them or not, we all have one and if not hopefully you have a mother-like figure in your life. They are the only people in the world who carried us for nine months without even knowing our name. That’s love, and that’s strength. Which brings me to something we here all the time…mother knows best. Believe it if you want, or take it for granted, but females are complicated, yet simple. Because everything that happened to you it probably happened to her or one of her close friends. So instead of forgetting about our mothers, here is a tribute to every mom and the best advice my mom gave me in my life.


1. Mother knows best. Whether you accept it or not women have an intuition and attention to detail that men will never evolve to have. We are nurturers and lovers so as a female it is in our DNA to nurture and love, whether that be a woman’s child, significant other, or friend. We have a connection to things that just strengthens with time, so your mom and my mom know something. You don’t have to listen to every word, but every now and then remember where you came from.


2. Don’t let anyone steal your joy. Pardon my French, but shit happens and half the time we aren’t the reason it happens. Instead of being affected by every little thing, let things go and don’t let anyone take that bright smile off your face or joy from your soul. A little incident is nothing compared to the world, so don’t let the little things take over. Learn from mistakes and take something from experiences, but don’t let them take anything from you. Things in life are made with two purposes: to take you down or to build you up. So pick the latter purpose and start strong and be stronger so nothing will defeat you. Not even love.


3. There are other fish in the sea. You think you love him, or really like him and he is the perfect guy for you. But unless you literally can’t breathe without him, remember there are other guys out there. I’m not saying doubt your intuition or that your relationship is over, but until you are the last person on Earth, there is always someone else for you to love that will love you back.


4. You are beautiful. There are songs reminding you, when you were little I’m sure you mom reminded you, and even a nice guy might have said it a time or two. But it’s very, very important to never forget the beauty you have inside and out because once you accept that you are beautiful you, you can accept someone else telling you too. Appreciation and respect for yourself will keep you beautiful even at times where you feel your worst.


5. Don’t settle. So what the guy is great except for the fact that he is disrespectful, or whatever other excuse you are telling yourself that make your guys shortcomings ok. They say you have to learn your lover’s flaws because no one is perfect, which is true. But there is a big difference between loving flaws and just dealing with problems. I guess the hard part is differentiating settling from everything else, but love is about what’s best for you, so if it’s not the best for you then you may be settling. Love and be happy.


I love my mom, not just for being there or loving me or being there when no one else could, but just for being my mom. This made me a little teary-eyed because it reminded me of every moment where she was the epitome of a perfect mom. And we take them for granted, say they annoy us, and get irritated all the time—but they really are here for us. If you don’t believe me, I bet she smiles whenever someone asks her about how wonderful her child is.


Maybe, one day: ♥

=)

Crazy day in psychology.  So my psychology teacher is published a book.  Most of it is pretty irrelevant to me and you, except his chapters about Love and psychology.  He gave us ladies a few tips for how to know if your relationship is long term or short term.  AND then he cut what was about to be a great discussion short for actual class related questions.  But he did promise to return back to the subject, and when he does you guys will be the first to know.

Maybe, one day:  ♥

Follow Your Heart

Follow your heart: Never have I dated a completely normal guy. I’ve had the athlete, the coach’s son, the boy turned singer, the too old, the too young, the too this and the too that… and everytime me and that special guy make things happen, everyone seems to have something to say. If my life was a timeline on twitter #InsertMyNameAndHisNameHere would be a trending topic more than Justin Beiber. If that was step one, it was definitely the hardest step. I hated people in my business, the questions, the comments, and the opinions. I never understood why everyone thought they could pick better dates than me. So I let it rock, tried not to get discouraged, but failed because the words, the negativity, the questions and suspicions all got to me. And instead of following my heart, I listened to my friend’s minds, which is the perfect recipe for disaster.

And through all of that I came up with 5 reasons to follow your heart:

Reason #1: Noone, absolutely no one knows you better than you. And even if you have NO idea what you want, you are definitely a lot closer to figuring it out than anyone else is.

Reason #2: Following your heart may be harder in the beginning, but it’s part of the struggle so that you can prove that you really want something. One of my favorite books is The Alchemist, which tells the story of a boy on a self fulfilling journey. The beginning of every journey or in this case love first there is beginner’s luck, which helps submerse you into your journey aka when boy meets girl and girl realizes she likes him. After beginner’s luck comes a series or obstacles, not to deter you, but to prove that you really want something. So don’t let the first few obstacles be the end, and if you can get through that—who knows what your future holds.

Reason #3: Love is an ultimate search for happiness and completion, if you don’t follow your heart completely that explains the all the voids you have in your life, and you still have some more following to do.

Reason #4: EVERYONE says do it, but no one seems to be taking anyone else’s advice. So for once, do the one thing that you keep hearing. If you can try everything else that is floating around, might as well try something that will actually make you better.

Reason #5: There is a happy ending out there for everyone, but even Cinderella had to lose a shoe first. Follow your heart, because you never know what in your life may turn out to be that lost shoe until your prince charming returns it to you.

And of course I had to throw in the Disney princess reference, and the kissing the frog thing is a little played out (sorry Ms. Tiana). But everytime my best friend went through something, I was always there, to let her know that things happen and there is a conflict before every happy ending. So follow your heart ladies and gentlemen, I can promise you it will take you on a journey like no other…and who wouldn’t want to go on an adventure that ends with love?

Maybe, one day: ♥