The Perfect Couple

Look at me learning in school =). Once a week I have a seminar class called Finding Your Fit in a Flat World, and just when you thought the world was a sphere I am learning otherwise. The concept of a flat world is a theory developed by Thomas L. Friedman, which explores the technology of the world and how it has evolved in a way that brings individuals closer or flattens the world. I completely recommend the book for anyone who is truly trying to increase general understanding, broaden their horizons, and explore multiple reasons for success. Back to my class though, every week for the class we are instructed to find articles on selected topics. This week’s topic was organizational structure and design. My goal for article I was searching for was just to find an article with a few success stories based on unique organizational design. Would you believe I managed to find something that explained success stories of amazing groups? So my mission was definitely accomplished, but I couldn’t help but notice how the ideas could be applied to groups, but also relationships.


The article was entitled The Group Needs Model and was written in a 2009 edition of OD Practitioner by Geoffrey Bellman and Kathleen Ryan. Their goal was to identify what made amazing groups so special. They came to the conclusion that “amazing” groups were amazing because of the transformations they had on its members. The model identifies six human needs within three categories that make groups truly transforming. The three categories are self, group, and world and the human needs are paired within. So I modified these categories and needs into a relationship and love model.


The Relationship-Love Model:

Self: Acceptance of self while developing one’s potential.
Group: A bond with others that grows while pursuing a common purpose.
World: Understanding the reality of the world while making an impact.**

*The bold terms are the categories and the underlined terms are the human needs
**This was taken directly from the article

Before applying the categories to your life, you have to adjust your mentality. The ideal idea of love is a strong relationship between two people that strengthens and transforms their lives through individual experiences and emotions as a whole.

The two needs of the self category are acceptance and potential. For acceptance an individual must accept themselves for who they are and potential is understanding and growing into a better self. The acceptance area is a example of love that we see all the time—like if you can’t love yourself then how can you expect someone else to love you? This idea reflects concepts of self-esteem and approval of the individual before their piers. Potential involves seeing yourself as more and better than your current state, this need explains how necessary believing in your self is needed for improvement. Relative to love, if you don’t want to become a better you alone, than how can you expect to become a better individual with someone else so close to you?

The two needs of the group category are bond and purpose. A bond is the connection between people that provides a shared sense of identity and creates belonging and a purpose is the reason the group was brought together. With these two ideas and their relation to a couple are clear, the couple is the group and the stronger and more connected their bond is the more potential the relationship has. When it comes to purpose, the purpose of a couple should be more than being happy or making things work, two people should be together to have a positive influence on their own lives and their partners lives. Take the purpose a step further than just being a happy couple, and truly make this “group” be a part of who you are.

World—is the most important topic in the end to me, because it connects just two people to the rest of reality. Within the world category are impact and reality. The world defines anything beyond the couple and can be the entire world, or a small actualization of that—your family. Family is the world around a couple, because approval and acceptance helps create a stronger relationship. The reality of a relationship is a whole lot of things can go wrong, and a whole lot of things will go wrong before they go right. So in a relationship you must keep reality in mind, because being too optimistic can have equally detrimental results. Impact has to do with the influence that you two have on the world, and as long as it is positive you are working your way to a happy relationship—or at least a happy start.

Now no this isn’t a fail proof answer to relationships, but it helps put a worldwide understanding on something we wish was a lot simpler.



Maybe, one day: ♥

My First Love

Thursday afternoon the love of my life was ripped away from me.

This was as real as love could get.

It was a love that kept my heart racing and had me running in circles.

My heart was broken into pieces and it took me days to stop crying. Tears still begin to fall when someone asks me about him.

He was my motivation and inspiration, he pushed me to become better—the best me I could be.

He showed me what love was and gave me a true definition of passion.

So what’s harder…breaking up or moving on? The news crushed me. Of course this was not my decision or idea, everyone goes through rough patches and difficulties so why did my slight mishap have our relationship spiral so quickly to the end? I question every single thing that led to our breakup. Every single thing, and I knew I could work harder and build thingsback up to the way it used to be. But I guess that wouldn’t be enough…and if it was I will never know. So now I’m in the moving on process—the building up stage—even though I’ve been so broken down. I’m trying to bend every single thing that has led up to this moment and past it and turn it into a positive. I’m taking the moments, happiness, and all of our time together and making them experiences, because I refuse to have regrets. But I still don’t know what’s harder: breaking up or moving on?


We all know the phrase that breaking up is hard to do, no one is really ever ready to say good-bye (even Chris Brown knew that). Breaking up is hard because giving up hope takes energy, strength, and certainty, which is very difficult to have at the same time. When it’s in your hands it keeps things in your control, but if your like me you may not have a choice. It’s a decision that is forced on you and your stuck living with it, but that’s not what makes breaking up hard. Breaking up is hard because your everything is now nothing. The other half of your heart now has no beat and until someone/something fills that void a piece of your heart will remain empty. Breaking up is hard because no one likes to be alone, even misery likes company.


Moving on takes time, patience, and willingness. It takes a new type of acceptance that we can all hopefully take with us to the next relationship or the next time we share a close love and strong bond with something. Moving on takes understanding, and depending on the breakup that understanding may be extremely difficult to find. I’m still lost, still searching for just a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. I know once I find that light that I can find life—my life. Every moment is a learning experience, but only if your willing and ready to learn. Along with time it takes patience, because rushing this process could just lead to more heartbreak—maybe for you or maybe even for someone else.


The only problem is you can’t do one without the other. Breaking up and moving on are coupled reactions that exist because of eachother. So we broke up and now I have no choice but to move on, but I’m strong and beautiful and everyday gets a little bit easier.


Who knew track & field held such a strong place in my heart.



Maybe, one day: ♥